I have this surgeon friend of mine, quite a famous one. Having spent 25 years doing surgeries, having earned enough money and after a few drinks down that evening, he tossed the idea of retiring from doing surgeries and opening a restaurant to make a peaceful living. The conversation that we had made me role over the floor for next few hours. Let me tell you, I never thought, a doctor can be so creative.
So I asked, “I hope you know it needs a lot of planning and budgeting”. “Oh yes, I know” he said. The conversation that went is as below –
Me: Have you thought of a theme?
Him: Yes Of course, we will call it a hospitaurant ! After all, I am surgeon.
Me: where do you think we should get the furniture from?
Him: From my hospital. We can convert all operation tables into dining tables and the wheelchairs will be serving as chairs.
Me: Okay. And the bar? Will be serve drinks?
Him: Yes. The Bar will be called – “Anaesthesia” !! You see the drinks have the same effect!
Me: Ohh. Good Idea. Too many drinks will call for a toilet.
Him: I have that planned. It will be in the corner and we will name it as “Emergency”!
Me: Well that makes sense. Where do you plan to get people from?
Him: We can ask all our nurses to become hostess. They are good at it. Imagine, they will fit a canula on the wrist and beverages can be directly served via an IV line.
I barely saved myself from fainting with an idea of drinks going in the body using a canula.
Any ways the conversation was not yet over.
Him: I have also thought of the names of some of the wonderful dishes. But Obviously, they will be in accordance to the theme of the restaurant.
Me Excitedly: I love chicken leg pieces. Would you serve some?
Him: Oh yes of course. We will call it Chicken Orthopaedics. If you want it with red sauce, it will be “Chicken Ortho served in Platelets” and if you want in white sauce it will be “Chicken Ortho served in Plasma”.
I could not imagine a chicken dipped in plasma. But the guy had it all planned.
Me: My kids love noodles sir.
Him: Oh yeh.. Kids: We will serve them noodles and we will name the dish as “Chinese Intestines”. You see those are so similar. Not only this, we will serve Kabab platter which will be known as “Lymph nodes on the house” and Salads which will be names as “Bio Wastes”.
I was all full by then and wanted to stop before I threw up. So, I asked – How do you wish to price it sir? He plainly got up the chair as prepared to pay the bills and said, “It will depend whether the visitor is insured or not…”
By then, I neither wanted to eat nor I ever wanted to get operated upon. I left for home wondering can we ever get over what we do..
Declaration: This is a work of fiction and holds no facts. Any resemblances to anyone dead or alive is a matter coincidence. We have had very hard and sad months, thanks to covid, and we just wanted people to laugh a bit. If, it is unknowingly hurting someone, you may blame it on my poor judgement of people’s criteria of tumour, I beg your pardon, criteria of humour.
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Abhik Moitra
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